


I wish you...

by wanderingsmith



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 01:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingsmith/pseuds/wanderingsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To my friends, I wish you peace, love and health.  Blah blah blah... screw that!  I wish you lots of sex, booze, orgasms, and I hope you win the lotto."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I wish you...

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.

To break up the melancholy that seemed to follow any group doing too much drinking and thinking about the new year, Thorn had pulled out his phone to read them the slew of positive wishes that filled Facebook with the damned season. "Arriving at one goal is the start of another." Waiting patiently for the expected boos, groans and verbal rolled eyes to die down again, he cruised down the feed for his next one. Grinning when he found a good one, "Here's a nice one:" he pulled on a cheesy grandiose tone, "To my friends, I wish you peace, love and health. Blah blah blah... screw that! I wish you lots of sex, booze, orgasms, and I hope you win the lotto."

The gang's cheers and catcalls in response weren't even sarcastic, this time. At least not until Barney snorted, sitting toward the back with a smoke haze only half-hiding his glower, "Not fucking likely."

In the middle of the automatic laughter in response, Doc stopped and turned around to blink at the grouch, "Wait. You *have* booze in your hand, and I know you don't give a shit about money. Did you just complain about not having enough sex??"

Barney just rolled his eyes and threw him, and the rest of the hecklers now turning to him with disbelieving smirks, the finger.

He didn't notice that Lee gave him a long, silent, look, as the rest teased. 

\--

The evening had wound down: half the gang bunking down in the plane, the others piling into a taxi to go invade Toll's nearby house that happened to have enough living room space for a handful of adults to sleep. And with the clear sky starting to change to herald the sun's coming, Barney had grabbed his sleeping bag and headed for his truck bed to sit and have a smoke as he watched the new year come in. 

Just as he was settling on his makeshift seat, after only one sideways stumble, his back leaning against the cabin, tailgate open to the East, he wasn't especially surprised to see Christmas appear and hop up without a word. And no wobble, the damn liquor-handling bastard.

Barney did have to shake his head as he accepted the bag of munchies he'd brought, though. Lee *did* have his priorities.

"Thought you took off with the guys."

Lee glanced at him as he folded up his own sleeping bag into a thick cushion for his flat ass, Barney's eyes rolling at the memory of years of complaints about hard ground on the aforementioned anatomy. "Naw. I'll crash on your back seat if you're taking the truck bed."

He finally settled down, shoulder warm against Barney's as he gave the brit back his food after grabbing himself a handful, and Barney shrugged, "We can share. We didn't kill each other waiting 8 hours in that damn foxhole in Bulgaria, this is like king-sized luxury."

For a while, the only sound was the crunching of chips and the chirping of crickets as they sat and stared at the shifting colours breaking up the darkness. 

"So."

Barney looked besides him lazily at the almost hesitant word, watching Lee fish for another cheesy and crunch it in several studious bites, never looking away from the Eastern sky.

"I could have sworn that Maggie, just for one, was more than willing to share a couple of those New Year's wishes," Lee turned to meet Barney's widened eyes, "You liked her. Just what's stopping you?"

Hell. That'd teach him to drink that much in public! It was Barney's turn to fix his eyes on the sky as he tried to come up with something close enough to the truth to pass Lee's radar. "Sure, I like her. Doesn't mean I want to sleep with her. Or that I'd be willing to risk messing with what could be a decent friendship just to get off."

He should have cracked a cigar before, the smoke would be handy: he wasn't quite sober enough to risk turning his head at the grunt he got. He was just glad it wasn't followed by another salvo; maybe the man was drunk enough, himself, to drop the line.

He should have known better.

"You saying there's no one you'd actually *want* to sleep with?"

If it'd been said in disbelief, Barney'd be tempted to actually try to remember a Baywatch babe's name. Unfortunately, that serious tone wasn't safe: Christmas was on a damned mission. Barney's eyes dropped closed as he swore under his breath. "If I point out that my sex life is none of your business, would you just drop this, Christmas?"

"No."

"Bastard."

"If you just want to get off-"

"I *never* said that!"

Shit! Slipped. The silence was too damn thick for anything good to come of it.

"..If you don't ever *start* a relationship, there's no way you'll ever have a lasting one, you know?"

Fuck. Barney looked up at the pink sky and thought 'This is no fitting pay back for the shit I've done, for fuck's sake! Just send someone to shoot me!'. And he was *not* going to throw the man's failed relationships at him. He *wasn't*. That soft tone said he was was actually trying to be nice; not ragging.

"So why aren't you making a play for whoever it is you *do* want to make time with? Married?"

It was a fucking sad day when he wished that *was* it. "What makes you think I haven't already made a play?"

This time the silence almost gave him hope he'd get out of it.

"Did you? Make a *serious* play and get shot down?"

Shit. When did the bastard get to knowing him that well? Last try, "No. They aren't interested, Christmas, would you just drop it?"

"She lesbian?"

He was *never* drinking in public again. 

At least he was 99% sure Lee wouldn't care, and would keep it to himself. Otherwise he'd have had to exit this conversation without another word. And then probably yell at Christmas every five minutes for the next few months every time he brought it back up. "No. He's straight." Goddamn it! He was going to have to watch every goddamned move he made, now: nothing would slide under the radar, anymore. 

"Good."

The crinkle of the chip bag being shoved aside almost covered the mutter. Barney still jerked his head around to look at the man in disbelief, though. "Good??"

The wolfish grin he found being aimed at him was so far from what he expected that he didn't even react as Lee swung a knee between Barney's legs to straddle his left thigh. "I wasn't going to make a play if you were pining for a girl; would have dragged you to some bars or meet and greets. But if it's some guy, *that* I'm willing to compete with."

He still hadn't found words when Lee leaned in and he had soft lips touching his almost hesitantly. 

It didn't last near long enough, and when Barney dragged his eyes open, he caught a wary watchfulness on Lee's face and he shook his head gently, feeling a grin stretching his cheeks. He tipped his head to the side, hands hesitantly finding Lee's thighs as he whispered deliberately into Lee's ear, "You're competing with *yourself*."

It really wasn't that simple, but he still felt laughter building in him. It just never had a chance to escape as he found himself with a lapfull of Christmas pressing him back against the truck cab and a mouth full of tongue bypassing alcohol's dulling effects to send arousal tightening through him.

When the sun popped over the horizon and over the tailgate, it landed on his closed eyelids as the hard plastic ridges of the truck bed dug into his arm and side as he squeezed hard at Lee's smooth ass inside his loosened slacks, their legs tangled and neither of them quite managing to hold a kiss through their moans as Lee's strong, calloused right hand jerked them both off.

"Fuck- Lee!" Barney's head jerked back and smacked on the wheelwell as a particularly tight twisting pull sent him over the edge that had been burning him, and pleasure whited out his senses for a long minute.

When he slowly came back, it was to Lee's breathing just getting back to normal against his throat, his back against those damn ridges, Lee's arms around his arms, Lee's hands on his shoulders.

He was going to be black blue. But damned if he could feel it, right now. He hardly had to bend his head to run his lips over the already sun-warmed dome of Lee's skull. "If you're going to insist on doing this regularly, remind me to change this damn liner to something smoother."

Lee didn't bother lifting his head, but he laughed, and Barney could picture the grin, tightening his hold to keep the man's weight on him. "You as good as asked for 'lots of sex and orgasms'. And we spend way too much time around this place. Unless you get a bed in the hangar, this is the better place."

Barney just grunted in response. Easier to get a flat liner than to keep a bed in the hangar from becoming a magnet for piles of crap. All of which was besides the point anyway. How the hell had the damned brit distracted him from the realities... Damn he really was being an idiot today.

The hand on his right shoulder lifted and landed in a slap. "Quit worrying, Barney. I didn't let you fuck up our friendship before, I won't let you do it now. We are going to get off regularly, we are going to sleep together and we're going to argue over what sheets to buy. And we're still going to go out and get shot at and have to come up with new plans when yours fall through. Only difference is if some babe puts moves on you," Lee raised his head and gave Barney a mock-scowl, "I'll damn well tell her 'Paws off' and kiss the hell out of you in front of her."

It was Barney's turn to laugh, trying to picture the look Maggie would have given them. Lee was holding onto him tight to keep his place and grinning down at him, keeping the sun from blinding Barney as he looked up and grinned back, "Sandra knew, if that makes you feel better."

Lee rolled his eyes before laying his head back down, making Barney grunt as the sun stabbed his eyes before he got them closed. "Doesn't really, no. Still woulda tongue-fucked you good."

"Possessive bastard."

"Fuck yes. Finally got you. Not sharing."

Barney slid a hand up to cup Lee's skull, stroking gently; enjoying, for now, the stupid sentimental warmth in his gut that he knew damn well was from knowing Lee wanted him. "Got nothing to be jealous about." So many other ways they could fuck this up, but he knew his even *noticing* anyone else wasn't one of them, after all these years.

"Don't care. Mine, now."

"Shut up and go to sleep." Maybe after some shuteye he'd find an argument that'd work. Not likely, but maybe. Lee's agreeable humm against his chest was nice, though.

It unfortunately didn't occur to either of them to get in the back seat, or at least close the tailgate, until Mars' wolf whistle woke them up, hours later.


End file.
